Home > Hello Kitty Diary > [July, 1988] Holes in My Heart

[July, 1988] Holes in My Heart


Dear Diary,

I forgot to tell you about this crush I Had for two years: His name is Jonas P. and he just graduated. I will Never see him again but I will never forget Him.

I had many dreams about him but I now none of them will come true. one time I slept over Borya’s house and we talked about personal stuff and I told him about Jonas and he started discouraging me and telling me to forget about him.

I was so sad that night that I cried myself to sleep.

didn't mean much anyway

didn't mean much anyway

Jonas was my hall monitor in third and fourth grade and two years my senior. He had red hair, blue eyes and freckles, and I exchanged probably no more than five sentences with him during the the time we we attended the same elementary school. Back then, a two year age difference was like a 20 year gap today. The only reason he ever had to say anything to me was if I misbehaved.

Now I was a good kid, but I was also ridiculously smitten. I made a habit of talking during assemblies on purpose, so that Jonas would reprimand me. Scandalous, I know. Sometimes I even talked back to him. Once I really pushed my luck and he made me stand against the wall. I didn’t act up after after that because deep down I feared authority (still do, sometimes).

I didn’t know anything about Jonas besides his name and that he was cute and made my nine/ten-year-old little heart beat fast. I also knew that being in “love” with him was hopeless.

As much as I knew it, I didn’t need Borya to remind me how was hopeless it was and make me cry about it. That jerk.

  1. August 26, 2009 at 11:05 am

    As far as deep down still fearing authority, I’m with you. It’s stupid, but even as a 23 year old, it still sucks getting yelled at by the lifeguard at a water park or swimming pool. Sorry you were so sad about Jonas. Hopefully he grew up to be a meter maid or some other authority figure position that isn’t really all that fun. Then you’d know you wouldn’t have missed out on much.

    • damiella
      August 26, 2009 at 11:09 pm

      Actually, I did look him up online years later and found this video he was in on YouTube. It was just him and his friends wandering around NYC but he had this Grizzly Adams beard and seemed scruffy and not somebody I would even look twice at. That’s enough closure for me.

      As for authority, I sometimes get nervous just walking past the cops in the subway stations. But part of it is me hoping they don’t ask to do a random bag check, because that would be such a hassle.

  2. August 26, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    I love how Russian you are that your friend’s name was (is?) Borya. 😉 hehe

    I’m on a quest to hook up with all the boys I had a crush on and could never get…got a few so far, but I doubt I’ll even ever come across the grade school ones. AND they’ll probably be all gross anyway! haha

    • damiella
      August 26, 2009 at 11:11 pm

      Hahaha, I actually changed the name, but the real one was equally Russian (and even as a kid, he had that burly Russian bear-type physique).

      As for your quest, good luck! That sounds like a fun premise for a blog or book.

  3. September 1, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    Maybe Borya had a crush on you and that’s why he wanted you to forget about Jonas.

  1. September 11, 2009 at 10:37 am
  2. July 16, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: