Home > Composition Book > [June, 1989] The Spark is Gone

[June, 1989] The Spark is Gone


Dear Diary,

I don’t really like George anymore. I guesse the spark is gone. He asked me out and I said “I don’t know” and he just said “forget it.” I don’t really care. I’m over him. 10 more days of school.

I had a dream that Marcela and me were together and I asked if she wanted to be friends again and we started crying.

what spark?

what spark?

Such fickle hearts 11-year-olds have. Just a few months earlier I claimed to be “madly in love” with George, and here I was, responding to his attempt at courtship with indifference.

I still remember how nervous I was when he asked if I wanted to go on a date. The idea of asking my parents for permission seemed overwhelming and when I looked at his swarthy features, I didn’t know that I was properly attracted to him. Or maybe the whole concept of dating just seemed too daunting for me at the time. Whatever the case, I “guesse” felt the same ambivalence, considering he took back his request pretty much right away.

It’s also possible that a small part of me enjoyed the excitement and conflict of running against George for elementary school vice president, and confused that energy with some kind of romantic chemistry. What it came down to is that George intimidated me; maybe because he was real and for two seconds was actually interested in me, unlike Jonas or Corey Haim. Or maybe George just didn’t make my heart pitter-patter like the  long-gone hall monitor or teen actor, and I wanted to hold out for a boy who did.

Whatever the case, it wouldn’t be long before a new boy took my mind off George…
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